Fab Footwear!

First item of business, I have changed my name to Mr. Hatcher so that I can keep some anonymity. How horrible would it be to lose a job because I want to laugh at the funny things my students do and say? Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby made careers out of it. I have to be a little more cautious.

Now for the good stuff. I heard the greatest thing today. My colleague who teaches fifth grade has a student in her class who may grow up to be a bit confused of his gender identity. Totally fine and besides the point when you are ten, however his quote is remarkable:

"You know, I really like Mr. Hatcher. He wears flip-flops on Fridays and my mom and I were talking about how refreshing it is to see a teacher really go casual."

It is good to know I am the topic of conversation for students (and parents!) that are not in my class.

Three Choice Specimens

Topic: You are on vacation in an unfamiliar place when you get lost. What happens before you find your parents?

Jamacia

I was yelling for my mom and dad. Then, I heard someone drowning. It was me, my mom, my dad, and my dog. We were in Jamica in 2009. I was lost with my dog in Jamica.
Then, I was fearless when I heard someone drowning, and I thought it was my mom so, I ran to see what happen and I heard this girl yelling Jon. I saved that girl, and she gave me 1 million dollars.
Next, we hiked up a big mountain and we saw someone. We kept going on and on, and they were my parnets. I was so glad to see them.
After, we were trying to get down, but we couldn't. I was very sorrwful, and brave for me and my dog to do this. It was mostly my dog because he found them.
Last, we got home, and my mom said, "I was very worried about you Kiera." "What kind of phone do you want?"
"I want the Juke phone mom," I said.

Untitled

"I have to find my perents" I shouded.
First I was looking at a fish that was jumping out and then my perents left and I got really sad then I was walking around and I could not find them then it got darker and then I got lost and I was really sad.
Then I found a house out side there was a blue high tire swing hanging from a dranch and there was also a red, slipery, bright, and bumpy slide I went inside the house and it was clean I was walking and I went and found a door inside a closet and when I openned it. It looked really different it took me were there is volcanos.
So I was looking and I told a woman if she has sene a woman that is wearing a red dress and she said no so I left I still did not find them I was really sobbed. Then I bought this thing that help find you perents.
Next I came again to the house and I got out and it take mo to the volcano and I found my perents I was happy.

Untitled

"Do you want to know wer I got Lost?" My sister tolled me if I Whant to go to Hollywood I said yes. My Aant Marta went with us to. We Left at 12:00AM - 1:00PM.
Finelly we wer ther my sister explimed evrething adout the self phon's, cried card's, slosc, Joels, make up I did not her so I went on.
Wen I went in Hollywood I did not see my sister lity and Matha. I asked the cacher so I called in my silf phon and the wer at the Joeles and I was serprised "I thought you life weth out me" "Frida saib. Frida tell me wer you are going OK". "Yes" said Frida.
"I know how you feel Frida I had that same feeling wen I was a kide ok". "thank you" "said Frida".
"I Promes I well not get Lost ever agin Marth", so I stad weth thim. the dout my a Blue Shert, a Pink Pants, a Pire of Close, goles, make up, hear stuff, a scert too.
I Thuaght I was lift dihind then I wanted to cry. But I was driave.

Bum bum bee dum

We had a field trip to the Gemological Institute of America on Friday. I truly expected more bloggable stories to come from this, but there just weren't too many. Or perhaps there were an overabundance and my poor brain couldn't handle it all. Needless to say, the class was crazy, especially on the bus. I have since found an idea for a class reward should they ever all behave for an entire week. That would be a dance party/sing along to this:

Please imagine a busload of nine- and ten-year-olds rocking out to Rihanna. Kleenex Boy is especially fond of her.

Brunch Party

One of the "perks" about being an hourly teacher is having the ability to sub in the afternoon for fellow teachers that want to go home early. More often than not, these teachers are in first- and second-grade classrooms. Now I have quite a bit of experience in both grades, and may even prefer teaching second grade over any other grade. However, jumping from my own fourth graders to unknown second graders with only the cross-campus walk between the two is not always the most calming experience. But it does give me a whole new bunch of kids to hear funny stuff from.

I had the obligatory "How old are you?" conversation with these guys. It's like, kids realize that I am younger than most teachers, but still do not understand ages at all. The first guess was 45, followed by 52. It got as high as 80 before someone guessed 29. I say, "Lower." They say "35." Is this a second-grade standard? Because, they need help. Soon, one of the smart ones decided to go by decades, and then finally came up with the correct answer. Still though, 80? Get your shit straight, boys and girls.

Also, both my own fourth graders and the unknown second graders had encounters with the word "brunch" today. In my class it was given as an example of a noun that adds "-es" when pluralized. I laughed in my head because I immediately thought about space mimosas. Then brunch was talked about again while the second graders were working on math. Honestly, I am not even sure how it came up. But they were having a little conversation with one another that went a little something like this:
Kid: It's like brunch!
Other Kid: Yeah. Brunch is breakfast and lunch put together.
Kid and Other Kid: (laughing)
Kid: I went to brunch once. With my dad.

I guess brunch is not only humorous once you are older. Who knew?

Time for some Mucinex

Kleenex Boy was talking too much today (as per usual). I couldn't handle it.

Me: Will you ever stop talking?
Kleenex Boy: No. I can't. I have a disease called talkativity. It's when you get a lot of sinus infections with talking and blah blah blah... see I can't stop!

Um, what?

#2. What are two (2) problems Marven faces in the logging camp? How does he solve the problems?

en aose cen en ressen no the no wess eres coineerenes uecns osere the os conos eres so n the wento the en e men bent.

or,

He does the Jakes period box, and he orgnisd them.

ew.

Cowboys, tissues, and exes. Yes, we took it there.

Conferencing during Independent Reading:
Mr. Hatcher: Yeah, these parts are kind of difficult to read because this character has an accent.
Boy: Why doesn't he just talk normal?
Mr. Hatcher: He's from the south. You have to get into it. He's a cowboy. They talk funny.
Boy: Yeah, 'cause they are always saying "Yodel-ay-hee-hoo" to everybody.

In reading group:
Boy: (playing with a kleenex; separates it into two thinner kleenexes and shows it off to the kid next to him)
Girl: (trying to share a book about minerals that she doesn't really know anything about, but at least she is trying and is interested) And this is like a sapphire or something and they have diamonds all around it.
Kleenex Boy: Oh those are for old people! I'm just playing. I'm gonna get one for my grandma when she's old.
Other Kid Being Shown Kleenex: Grandmas are old.
Mineral Girl: (trying to go on about other pictures in her book; the sapphire and diamonds were totally an emerald only)
Kleenex Boy: OH MY GOSH!! IT'S 3-PLY!!!!

As we are cleaning up and getting ready to go:
Girl: Is Ms. Finished your ex-girlfriend?
Mr. Hatcher: Excuse me?
Girl: Did you hug her before?
Mr. Hatcher: Uh... I mean, well I hug a lot of people I know.
Girl: 'Cause 'Sally' saw you hugging and she made up a song about you.
Mr. Hatcher: 'Sally', what's the song I hear you made up?
'Sally': ?
Mr. Hatcher: I hear you made up a song.
Boy: He wants you to sing (whispers in her ear).
'Sally': Oh... "Applebottom jeans and boots with the fur"...

*Side note: I don't know how 'Sally' has seen a hug? None have taken place at school. What the hell?

Apparently Kleenex Boy knocked another kid over at lunch, which then made that kid get all dizzy, which then made that kid's mom come to pick him up. Now Kleenex Boy has to spend recess with the Vice Principal. I wonder if she has kleenex.

Number 1, I don't care. Number 2, calm down.

Boy: Should I move to Texas, just me not my sister, when I am 14?

then later...

Same Boy: You don't have cable?! What do you DO all day? I just couldn't live like that. (followed by a lot of mumbling)

My Vacation to Neverland Ranch

A conversation being had at Table 8:

Boy: Mr. Hatcher, aren't you Italian if you're white?

Mr. Hatcher: ? (imagine a puzzled face since everyone was supposed to be independently writing.)

Girl: No! That's not true.

Boy: Yes it is!

Mr. Hatcher: Well, you can be white if you are Italian, but not all white people are Italian.

Girl: Can you be brown if you're French?

Mr. Hatcher: People have different skin colors in pretty much every country.

Girl: 'Cause I know a brown French girl.

Mr. Hatcher: Cool. Get back to work.

Other girl at Table 5 trying to get in on the action: Can you be black and white?

Mr. Hatcher: Well, yes you can have a black parent and a whi-

Boy: MICHAEL JACKSON!

Several students: Oh yeah.

After this there was a huge debate about whether or not MJ had a skin condition or if he just "hated being a little black boy." How again does any of this have to do with writing a narrative about going on vacation? I swear I have control of my kids.

A Futuristic Picnic... With Bottles!

The true reason I decided to start this was not to play woe is me about my current job situation. I actually do love my job and my students. I have some wonderfully "special" children in my class and it is them that I want everyone else to know more about. So for the first installment of Problematic Papers, I give you "The Discover of some thing string":

"We finally made it! I shouted to Yohana and Mitsy!
The year is 2200 and landed on a new planet.
We were trying to look for food and fruit and also alot of water. But When we were finding food, water and fruit. We didn't see nothing of all the things we wanted to eat.
First, We go walking on the hills of the mountain. When We go walking we go play then find water, food and fruit again because we were so hungry that I was so tirsty of water and so of eating food and fruit.
Then, We sleep in the night because when it was night we always fall asleep. But when there's sun we wake up. And when we wake up we go find food and fruits and alot of Water together and when we find it we were finding it every where and when we find it every where we saw all of them in the place we were finding it in the place. Next, We were getting every bottle so we could eat food and fruits and water all together in the new planet.
And worried to get every thing that we liked.

I think this student is my favorite writer. Yes, English is a new language, but still. It is fun to try to understand how all of this makes sense when said student is writing it. This is not the last you will hear from this amazing character.

And so it begins...

I didn't really want to do this.

But how can I pass up the opportunity to share with the masses all the amazing stories that come out of my classroom? I got thrown into a position that has strict barriers that keep me from claiming full-time status. Of course these barriers are only of the monetary variety. In fact, I am expected to be a full-time teacher with the same drive, ambition, and dedication as those getting paid two, three, and four times the amount of money I do each month. No, no. Being new warrants me needing to show more drive, ambition, and dedication than my veteran counterparts. Now I realize not many of us in the field of public service are in it for the money. I certainly understood this as I watched my student loans pile higher than I would be able to clear within twenty years of working as a teacher. However, let us realize that I am not even really part-time. No. That is too high-class for someone like me. I am an hourly teacher. My hours begin when the bell rings and end five minutes before my students leave my classroom. Yes, before. Again, I knew full well that teachers, as many other professionals, put in much more time than for which they are monetarily compensated. Here comes the problem, though. I am merely whining if I point out that a field trip that lasts until 1:00 is rather disappointing since it means I will be working an hour for free. On a school bus. With thirty 10-year olds. By myself. This may not sting so much if my partner teacher (a full-time teacher and lifetime lunatic) did not get to use this extra hour to sit on her ass at school. In her classroom. By herself. Oh, and she gets paid for that. And she also gets the respect and designation as the students' real teacher. I am sorry if it is whining, but I should be entitled. Who likes doing work for free? And maybe worse than the lack of money, is the lack of credit.

This particular episode is only one in a long line of daily inequities I face in my position of Title I Reading Intervention Specialist which is really Option 2 Fourth Grade Teacher which is really Fourth Grade Job-Share Teacher which is really Do Everything Except Teach Kids Math But Also Teach Kids Math Because There Isn't Enough Time In The Afternoon And Don't Complain But Listen To Partner Teacher Complain Everyday About Being Diabetic And Hating Life.

No, I am not a normal teacher. However, I am definitely not a Nothing. My position simply doesn't make sense. So until interviews come around again, and the miracles of St. Obama allow throngs of teachers the financial stability to retire, I will simply be a Fourth Grade... Something.